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drinking lemonade


Dear Blog World,
This morning I started a new journey; my friends and I are doing a bodily cleanse!!! She is a seasoned veteran, so I am in good hands. The cleanse consists of drinking lots of water, and a special lemonade mix: lemon juice, water, agave nectar, and cayenne pepper. However, there is a morning ritual too, that is really unpleasant. Every morning you put 4 cups of water, and two teaspoons of sea salt AND DRINK THE WHOLE THING. So far, that has been the worst part. 

The goal is to last 10 days, though some have gone longer, never exceeding 40 days (I'm pretty sure my cravings would take over before I ever got to 40 days.) 

In advance, I'm warning you readers of some complex, ridiculous, or silly posts that may surface in the next few weeks while I cleanse my body and spirit. It's no mistake that when we cleanse our bodies, our mind, spirit, and emotions usually follow suit. Who knows what is going to come up. 

 






Today's craving: 


LASAGNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Cause if your skin was soil How long do you think before they'd start digging And if your life was gold How long do you think you'd stay living And I love her so I wouldn't trade her for gold



Feels a little lost in the wood...



 

Is this all that you could do wait for them to come to you Tell yourself that it's right Where were you the night before Someone saw you at his door
























































if i should die this very moment i wouldn't fear for i've never known completeness like being here

Fighting the battle of memories these days, you know, when it's time to let go of the thoughts that were once comforting because they remind you of a time, a place, or a person you can no longer hold on to.

Somehow, in the midst of letting go, my hands have been filled with something else: hope. Have you ever been able to taste the future, like a really awesome piece of wedding cake? Every once in a while, when fear is gone and I dare to dream, I can taste little pieces of goodness not yet born, the essence of hope, the essence of faith, like frosting on the wind.

Sometimes hope shows up in our dreams, little messages that keep us going when the climb to the mountain's top  becomes strenuous. That's when I see it. Have you ever seen happiness, not just the effects of it, but the actual thing itself?

 I am in my second year at the University of North Texas in Denton. My first semester I drove a 45 minute commute both ways, it was all highway. I had never felt so alone. But every morning, rising up over the hills, above the tree line, was a promise of happiness. Right as I would come up over the hill as I pulled into Denton, there it would be, shining right in my eyes telling me I wasn't alone.

The memories, so bittersweet, call my name every night right around this time. That's when I have to close my eyes and think about the sun rising on the wings of promise driving that stretch of Highway 35.










When I called you Love, you were all alone, you were lonely, When I gave you love you couldn't get enough, I'm the only.

My glass is always half full, waiting to pour into you.


















I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair, full of broken thoughts I cannot repair

What happens when you don't like the sound of your own voice? What a complex thing to attempt to hone a sound to the point it resonates sweetly in the singer's ear. I wish I could open my mouth and have Johnny Cash's voice come out . I have a tendency to hold long notes because sitting in an auditorium once, people erupted in thunderous applause after hearing a performer do just that. I also like the way it feels in my throat. When I started playing guitar it was all about my voice because that was my strongest asset; I wanted to drowned out the bad playing. Now, I want to marry the two. It's like a blend of dark and light at dusk creating a comforting glow in the sky. I have a song in me, and for the past few months I have drowned it out, let my guitar collect dust in the corner. Last night I was inspired: I watched Walk the Line.

 The first time I remember hearing Johnny Cash's voice I was 17. I was in the car on some highway in Oklahoma with my big brother, Cale, whose musical tastes know no bounds. When that bullfrog, baritone voice came through the speakers I was awe struck. Most of the time when I admire an older man, I have linked it back to my admiration for my Dad. He didn't sing all the time, but we would sing hymns riding horses together when I was a little girl, and his voice was deep and scruffy. Somehow, it was like hearing my Dad singing to me the first time I heard Johnny Cash's voice. The more I found out about Cash, the more I liked him.I appreciate men who are no non-sense.

"Why are you always wearing black? Are you on your way to a funeral?" they would ask him.
"Well maybe I am," Cash replied.

Then he would answer with his music.

"Well you wonder why I always dress in black, why you never see bright colors on my back? I wear it for the thousands who have died, believing that the Lord was on their side."

Aaaaahhhh! I love that. I would never be a politician - or a pastor - you're expected to be squeaky clean with no room for error, when the truth is we are all born with error built into us. I would MUCH rather be a broken musician, transparent about life, able to identify with thousands who have have experienced heartache, giving them the most powerful medicine the world has to offer: music. Thank you God for giving us Johnny Cash.









Smile, yeah that makes me smile

Smile that smile, that electric smile. It's the light source to my light bulb.It's the one thing that can interrupt a day. A smile from the right person can bring my day to a halt. In the heat of the day. Pressure of the world. Then there's a smile. And it all melts away.