Tainted blood and water
flow, cleansed from your thrown, and I, my mess
enthralled in it's undertow.
This life, this one, on the edge of something
magnificent, empty and beautifully broken,
wonderfully heavy with the grace it now bears,
do come, do kneel, do love, and long.
To raise this rock above my head, to scream help
with lung's gust, my arms do reach to your sky; help
on my tongue, help in my heart, help flowing from my
lips to your ears.
Help and remembrance, remembering how far we've come with Ebenezer's stone, flow intermingled with the blood from your thrown.
I come, and I kneel,
and I ask, take this little life and use it for your glory.
Ebenezer planted firmly in the earth, shovel in, shovel deep,
here I stay, till you take me home. "Here's my
heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy
One at a time, little hopes and dreams are being placed in that bottle, that little bottle, that little bottle.
A heart's beat, a heart's throb. its love and sorrow, are all thriving inside.
Too painful to hold, too precious to let go, that little bottle lay at your feet.
"Find a hiding place, somewhere to keep it safe," my spirit said.
So, I ran to the one place I know I always belong, the one place I know I am safe, right at your feet, pouring
out my tears as they hit that little bottle, like rain drops on a glass floor.
Perhaps one day, when the moment of release comes, you will break the glass, shatter it in a million pieces,
and let the hopes and dreams find there place.
Too painful to hold, too much to touch, at your feet they will stay, and I beg you, make a way, bring release
to this aching heart.
I'm sick with anticipation, full of hope, overwhelming with want, asking you to put it all in that little bottle laying
at your feet.
Little bottle holds my heart, little bottle holds my sweat and tears, blood and fear, it's all there, and I beg you,
make a way.
This morning I started a new journey; my friends and I are doing a bodily cleanse!!! She is a seasoned veteran, so I am in good hands. The cleanse consists of drinking lots of water, and a special lemonade mix: lemon juice, water, agave nectar, and cayenne pepper. However, there is a morning ritual too, that is really unpleasant. Every morning you put 4 cups of water, and two teaspoons of sea salt AND DRINK THE WHOLE THING. So far, that has been the worst part.
The goal is to last 10 days, though some have gone longer, never exceeding 40 days (I'm pretty sure my cravings would take over before I ever got to 40 days.)
In advance, I'm warning you readers of some complex, ridiculous, or silly posts that may surface in the next few weeks while I cleanse my body and spirit. It's no mistake that when we cleanse our bodies, our mind, spirit, and emotions usually follow suit. Who knows what is going to come up.
Fighting the battle of memories these days, you know, when it's time to let go of the thoughts that were once comforting because they remind you of a time, a place, or a person you can no longer hold on to.
Somehow, in the midst of letting go, my hands have been filled with something else: hope. Have you ever been able to taste the future, like a really awesome piece of wedding cake? Every once in a while, when fear is gone and I dare to dream, I can taste little pieces of goodness not yet born, the essence of hope, the essence of faith, like frosting on the wind.
Sometimes hope shows up in our dreams, little messages that keep us going when the climb to the mountain's top becomes strenuous. That's when I see it. Have you ever seen happiness, not just the effects of it, but the actual thing itself?
I am in my second year at the University of North Texas in Denton. My first semester I drove a 45 minute commute both ways, it was all highway. I had never felt so alone. But every morning, rising up over the hills, above the tree line, was a promise of happiness. Right as I would come up over the hill as I pulled into Denton, there it would be, shining right in my eyes telling me I wasn't alone.
The memories, so bittersweet, call my name every night right around this time. That's when I have to close my eyes and think about the sun rising on the wings of promise driving that stretch of Highway 35.